Have you noticed people talking about this concept called “anti-racism”?

It means moving away from a binary labeling of someone as racist or not racist. The binary system has several problems. The number one problem is that it puts people into boxes of being racist and hence bad or being not racist and hence good.  That is very limiting and not helpful if we want to see real change.  We have to look at individual and systemic racism and take an active stance against this which is anti-racism. We first have to understand history and center those who have been oppressed in our telling of history.

I see everyone as a racial being. Do you see yourself as a racial being from the day you were born? How have you been socialized as a racial being? What is the story of your ancestors? What is their relationship to being oppressed or being part of a group who oppressed others based on race? Where did you grow up? Who did you go to school with? Where do you live now? Who do you have intimate relationships with? What kinds of meaningful conversations about race and racism do you have on a regular basis?

The reality is that the United States is a post genocidal nation.  We have a lot of work to do heal from racial harm.  Check out Anneliese Singh's racial healing circle.  Where are you on the journey? Are you working on multiple elements of racial healing? 

​If you notice some strong feelings or body sensations as you are reading the phrase white supremacy below, know that is part of the journey.  It is referring to collective whiteness/whiteness as a culture.  Defensiveness tends to be present in any unexamined area of privilege or domination. What might you need to soothe your activated nervous system as we continue this dialogue?

Is some of our history surprising? Was it what you were taught in school? Did you think of white supremacy as a small group of people with extreme views wearing white hoods?  I did for a long time.  My eyes were opened when I started seeing it a system.  A system that makes whiteness as the norm and superior. From white supremacy comes white privilege. White privilege is a series of advantages that makes life a little easier even if you don’t have other privileges.  What have you learned about critical race theory? Check out this blog and video learn more. ​

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Part of what I have learned from Eastern philosophy is this concept of metta meditation.  This is also known as loving kindness meditation.  You repeat a couple of phrases and wish yourself well, a loved one well, and someone who is difficult in your life or caused you harm.  The idea is to have the intention of wishing this person well.  Sometimes it is easy to say it and sometimes it is difficult.  Ultimately when we hold on to anger, it stops being healthy and can make us sick.  I wish people well so that I don’t hold on to their pain and hate.

People ask me when I make an anti-racist comment, video or blog and have people say harmful things to me why don’t I ignore it. Sometimes I do ignore it if I am not in an emotionally resourced place to address it.  I think sometimes it does me more harm to ignore it.  I carry their pain (anger, sadness, shame) in my body, in my energetic zone and that is not helpful to me. I find myself ruminating about what they said and all the ways I can challenge it.

When I reply from a grounded place and am able to still see their humanity by wishing them well it frees me. I can move on more easily. I let go of someone winning or losing.  Grounded doesn’t mean I don’t feel a lot of emotions.  Rage or sadness is often simmering but it hasn’t hijacked my nervous system to the point that I can’t see the multiple truths. I remind myself that many people, particularly white people, have been taught a certain narrative about post racial United States and that if people work hard enough they can be successful as well. 

It seems that the concept of racism, individual and systemic racism, excites strong emotion in people to the point they have polarizing conversations where they cannot see the other person’s viewpoint.  At extremes we forget that we are each human and start to attack each other rather than build curiosity and common ground.

I love how Ruth King invites us to think about the following things when you are inviting people into conversation about race, rather than calling them out:

• Affirm what’s good and shared in the conversation
• Own up to your own humanity and imperfection on this journey
• Seek understanding
• Make a clear request
• Extend appreciation
• Self-reflect

I recently wrote a blog called “the pain and truth of all lives matter”. Most of the people who commented were not in support of what I was writing. Quite truthfully I don’t believe they read my blog or the video embedded in the blog about white supremacy and privilege.  I think they judged it based on the graphic I had which said “All lives can’t matter until black lives matter”.  I chose to reply to just about every comment and wish the individuals well.  I will note that my blog never mentioned anything about Black Lives Matter organization, political parties, whites are bad, individual racism, etc. and yet that is what most of the comments were about. Some people couldn't accept my well wishes, others weren't in a place to see anything past their own experience or truth.  You can see the full exchange on my facebook page, Mindful and Multicultural Counseling Commit to Sit, where I posted the blog.

This is one of my favorite exchanges and gives me hope:
Him: 94% of black deaths are caused by black men.
Me: I wonder the context of this data. Hard for me to know without more than one line shown. Could you send an article?How do systemic issues contribute to individual issues while holding individuals accountable.
Him: easy go to FBI crime statistics and research the truth
Me: interesting to think that a system designed to police Black people is the only truth out there. Who gathers the info, what is it used for, who tends to be profiled? What data isn’t collected? What leads certain communities to be so impoverished and desperate and internalize racism. Just some of the things I tend to think about. Thank you for telling me your source.
Him: funny. You change the topic without any research. You know the truth.
All I know in this world is a victim stays a victim.
Why have people succeeded in getting out but majority stay in sane circumstances
Him: Democrat community gives data to the fbi. Keeping voting blue, then people stay impoverished
Me: there is so much we could talk about. Too bad social media platform isn’t the place to have deep conversations that help people understand each other’s perspectives in my opinion. Thanks for engaging with me for a little while. I appreciate hearing how others come to understand things. So curious about the ways the Republican Party is trying to address poverty especially in black and Latinx communities to decrease the longstanding wealth gap. Will look for that in their platform.
Him: historic minority and female unemployment and earnings. Opportunity zones in black poor areas. I would research the period between 40s to civil rights in 67’ and wonder why black Americans stopped prospering after civil rights as they did before civil rights. Very interesting info. I love a smart discussion 🙏❤️
Me: Wishing you well.

If you are interested in learning more about having race based discussions from a mindful and compassionate place and invite people into conversation, sign up for one of my upcoming offerings. Next anti-racism workshop is 8/8.  Full list can be found here.  Check out my RAIN meditation to help take a breath and slow down when conversations cause you distress.

Who knew that three words could be filled with so much emotion.  ALL LIVES MATTER.  At face value the phrase seems obvious to be true.  It seems like a value I would teach my bi-racial kids from an early age.  As a yogi I call on ancient sacred texts that have universal messages in it about all humans being connected on an energetic level.  Sitting in a therapy room I think all lives matter and I have to also understand what that phrase means in our country.  All lives matter is based on white supremacy. What is white supremacy?  It is the foundation of this country.
 
Robin DiAngelo says “white supremacy captures the all-encompassing centrality and assumed superiority of people defined and perceived as white, and the practices based upon that assumption”.  If we look at history we see that the United States is based on that.  Colonists escaped Europe to escape persecution and to create a better life for themselves and their families. One of the fundamental assumptions of the nation that was founded on the land of indigenous people was the right to enslave black people to build wealth.  The first slave ships arrived in 1619.  Originally there were indentured servants (white people) who had to serve a certain amount of time before they could be free and enslaved people (black people) who had to serve a life sentence.  When there started to be resistance about this system the notion of whiteness was created that indentured servants could strive to achieve which came privileges such as the right to own land and have their own slaves.  Over the centuries we see the exclusion and persecution of other European ethnic groups until they legally were given the designation of whiteness with all its related privileges.