We are living in a time of two pandemics- racial injustice and Covid-19.  This year has shed a light about many structural inequities based on intersection of race and class.  Some of us are awakening to how much we did not know about the realities of black and brown lives- the notion that the United States was founded on white supremacy and that persists today in implicit and explicit bias. Resmaa Menakem talks about how simply being born in a non-white body is a traumatic experience. Just as we are gendered from an early age we are racialized. Certain doors are closed and certain assumptions are made about individuals simply based on the color of their skin. 

On top of all that we have seen the deaths of loved ones and heroes. We may have lost our jobs, our homes, our regular routines. Things that once used to anchor us have become unsteady or been removed.

We are experiencing a collective trauma. Trauma is anything that overwhelms our nervous system and mind.  It often brings up the sense of being frightened.  We unconsciously move into fight, flight, or freeze/shut down to cope.  We lose capacity to fully think, have compassion for others, find gratitude, or see each others full humanity.  Typical trauma symptoms are depression, anxiety, engaging in numbing behaviors, rage, irritability, despair, difficulty with sleep, loss of motivation, feelings of shame, hopelessness, eating too little or too much, shutting down. 

We have become even more polarized as a country.  Many people are terrified about the upcoming election and who will be the next supreme court justice. I invite you to not turn away from your discomfort, from your not knowing.  To not stay in despair or terror for long.  This is an opportunity. An opportunity to explore what is coming up for us.  What traumas have we experienced in our lives? What is our body trying to tell us? What are wounds within me that I have not touched or cared for tenderly?  What is the body remembering of feeling scared, not feeling heard, not feeling seen, not being in control?

This is an opportunity to find something to ground in.  Perhaps the anchor is faith, our ancestors who have been through difficult times before, perhaps it is a spiritual practice.  Can we remember to breathe into this moment exactly as it is.  Noticing the tendency of the mind to travel to the future and create catastrophic possibilities.  A reminder to come back to the present moment again and again.    

I heard Thomas Hubl say: “Are you willing to take a step when there is no floor?  When you take a step the floor appears.”  If we keep turning away from our pain our world becomes smaller and we lose opportunity to transform, to evolve, to increase our capacity to tolerate not knowing and discomfort.  We can gain clarity over time.  Can we find community to help support us on this confusing journey. Community can help us expand rather than contract.  Beautiful things can arise from the ashes, from the mess especially when we support each other through it.  Can we grieve together?

I offer you this meditation that has been inspired by a book I read years ago by Sylvia Boorstein called “Happiness is an inside job”.  Please be tender with yourself:

Sweetheart.  I know you are in pain.  Relax. Take a breath.  Check in with what is happening inside of you and outside of you.  Take your time.  When you are ready we will figure out what to do.

What I love about this meditation is that it has all the qualities of a grounding, compassionate practice.  Refer to yourself by some sort of nickname, perhaps naming your inner child.  Acknowledge that you are in pain.  Invite in ease and softening.  Take several conscious breaths to help calm our nervous system.  Check in with how your body is talking to you, what are the images and thoughts coming and going. What is happening around you.  No need to rush this process.  Trust that when you are ready you will know how to proceed. What gives me hope is that if more and more people are connecting to the collective grief and trauma that has been going on in this country for hundreds of years things have to change.  Old structures cannot persist if we keep putting one foot in front of the other.  We can be tender with ourselves and each other while still being fierce in our pursuit of justice for all.  How do we all get free.

Join me in an upcoming workshop to dive deeper into trauma sensitive yoga, anti-racism, or meditation as a self-care practice. More info available here.

You likely have been wondering how you can be more of an anti-racist practice. Of course, you feel for the BIPOC (black, indigenous, and people of color) communities.  You support the premise of Black Lives Matter [too] and care about diversity, equity and inclusion in your practice.  You have often thought I am not a racist, but have begun thinking are you anti-racist?  What does it actually mean to be anti-racist?  It is taking an active stance against racism.  To be “not a racist” is a stance of neutrality. It is often being indifferent or minimizing the legacy of white supremacy in this country that supports the white supremacy system continuing. Check out my other blog post about white supremacy and history of racist policies. The reality is we are all indoctrinated and conditioned into white supremacy [the system that creates white privilege].  We likely learned a Eurocentric curriculum in school. We might have grown up or currently live in segregated areas.  We went to graduate school and learned therapy models that centered white, cis, male, heterosexual, able bodied, neurotypical, Christian, upper middle class theories of understanding human behavior, culture and therapy. 

​When we start to intersect it with other identities we uncover sexism, heterosexism, transphobia, xenophobia, ableism, and religious intolerance.

Part of what I have learned from Eastern philosophy is this concept of metta meditation.  This is also known as loving kindness meditation.  You repeat a couple of phrases and wish yourself well, a loved one well, and someone who is difficult in your life or caused you harm.  The idea is to have the intention of wishing this person well.  Sometimes it is easy to say it and sometimes it is difficult.  Ultimately when we hold on to anger, it stops being healthy and can make us sick.  I wish people well so that I don’t hold on to their pain and hate.

People ask me when I make an anti-racist comment, video or blog and have people say harmful things to me why don’t I ignore it. Sometimes I do ignore it if I am not in an emotionally resourced place to address it.  I think sometimes it does me more harm to ignore it.  I carry their pain (anger, sadness, shame) in my body, in my energetic zone and that is not helpful to me. I find myself ruminating about what they said and all the ways I can challenge it.

When I reply from a grounded place and am able to still see their humanity by wishing them well it frees me. I can move on more easily. I let go of someone winning or losing.  Grounded doesn’t mean I don’t feel a lot of emotions.  Rage or sadness is often simmering but it hasn’t hijacked my nervous system to the point that I can’t see the multiple truths. I remind myself that many people, particularly white people, have been taught a certain narrative about post racial United States and that if people work hard enough they can be successful as well. 

It seems that the concept of racism, individual and systemic racism, excites strong emotion in people to the point they have polarizing conversations where they cannot see the other person’s viewpoint.  At extremes we forget that we are each human and start to attack each other rather than build curiosity and common ground.

I love how Ruth King invites us to think about the following things when you are inviting people into conversation about race, rather than calling them out:

• Affirm what’s good and shared in the conversation
• Own up to your own humanity and imperfection on this journey
• Seek understanding
• Make a clear request
• Extend appreciation
• Self-reflect

I recently wrote a blog called “the pain and truth of all lives matter”. Most of the people who commented were not in support of what I was writing. Quite truthfully I don’t believe they read my blog or the video embedded in the blog about white supremacy and privilege.  I think they judged it based on the graphic I had which said “All lives can’t matter until black lives matter”.  I chose to reply to just about every comment and wish the individuals well.  I will note that my blog never mentioned anything about Black Lives Matter organization, political parties, whites are bad, individual racism, etc. and yet that is what most of the comments were about. Some people couldn't accept my well wishes, others weren't in a place to see anything past their own experience or truth.  You can see the full exchange on my facebook page, Mindful and Multicultural Counseling Commit to Sit, where I posted the blog.

This is one of my favorite exchanges and gives me hope:
Him: 94% of black deaths are caused by black men.
Me: I wonder the context of this data. Hard for me to know without more than one line shown. Could you send an article?How do systemic issues contribute to individual issues while holding individuals accountable.
Him: easy go to FBI crime statistics and research the truth
Me: interesting to think that a system designed to police Black people is the only truth out there. Who gathers the info, what is it used for, who tends to be profiled? What data isn’t collected? What leads certain communities to be so impoverished and desperate and internalize racism. Just some of the things I tend to think about. Thank you for telling me your source.
Him: funny. You change the topic without any research. You know the truth.
All I know in this world is a victim stays a victim.
Why have people succeeded in getting out but majority stay in sane circumstances
Him: Democrat community gives data to the fbi. Keeping voting blue, then people stay impoverished
Me: there is so much we could talk about. Too bad social media platform isn’t the place to have deep conversations that help people understand each other’s perspectives in my opinion. Thanks for engaging with me for a little while. I appreciate hearing how others come to understand things. So curious about the ways the Republican Party is trying to address poverty especially in black and Latinx communities to decrease the longstanding wealth gap. Will look for that in their platform.
Him: historic minority and female unemployment and earnings. Opportunity zones in black poor areas. I would research the period between 40s to civil rights in 67’ and wonder why black Americans stopped prospering after civil rights as they did before civil rights. Very interesting info. I love a smart discussion 🙏❤️
Me: Wishing you well.

If you are interested in learning more about having race based discussions from a mindful and compassionate place and invite people into conversation, sign up for one of my upcoming offerings. Next anti-racism workshop is 8/8.  Full list can be found here.  Check out my RAIN meditation to help take a breath and slow down when conversations cause you distress.