The Four-Point Centering Practice: A Somatic Tool for Nervous System Regulation and Embodied Presence

In therapy, coaching, and personal growth work, we often focus on changing thoughts, beliefs, or behaviors. But anyone who has experienced anxiety, overwhelm, or trauma knows that insight alone rarely shifts the body’s stress response.

Our nervous systems shape how we experience the world.

Somatic practices—like the Four-Point Centering Practice developed through traditions such as the Strozzi Institute and embodied transformation work—offer a powerful way to regulate the nervous system, cultivate presence, and reconnect with the body.

For therapists, coaches, and clients alike, this practice offers a simple way to move from reactivity to grounded regulation in just a few minutes.  Regulation in this context doesn't mean controlling.  It means coming back to presence, coming back to a capacity that allows you to move through the world a little more empowered.

Why Somatic Practices Matter for Trauma and Nervous System Regulation
From a trauma-informed perspective, stress and trauma are not just psychological experiences—they are physiological patterns held in the body.

According to polyvagal theory, developed by Stephen Porges, our autonomic nervous system constantly scans for cues of safety or danger. This process, called neuroception, determines whether we move into:

• Ventral vagal regulation (connection, safety, engagement)
• Sympathetic activation (fight or flight; overwork)
• Dorsal vagal shutdown (collapse, numbness, withdrawal, freeze, fawn)

When we are dysregulated, our bodies often reflect it:

• shoulders collapse
• breathing becomes shallow
• posture tightens
• attention becomes scattered

Somatic practices help restore a felt sense of safety and organization in the body, which supports the nervous system’s return to regulation.
One powerful entry point into this process is the Four-Point Centering Practice.

What Is the Four-Point Centering Practice?
Four-Point Centering is a foundational somatic practice used in embodied leadership, trauma-informed coaching, and somatic therapy.
It organizes the body across four dimensions:

1. Length
2. Width
3. Depth
4. Center

When these dimensions come into balance, the body often shifts into a state of greater regulation, stability, and presence.

For many people, this practice creates a subtle but powerful shift in the nervous system—from defensive reactivity to grounded awareness.  Practice with Dr. Nathalie Edmond

  LooWhat Is the Four-Point Centering Practice?Four-Point Centering is a foundational somatic practice used in embodied leadership, trauma-informed coaching, and somatic therapy.
It organizes the body across four dimensions:

1. Length
2. Width
3. Depth
4. Center

When these dimensions come into balance, the body often shifts into a state of greater regulation, stability, and presence.
For many people, this practice creates a subtle but powerful shift in the nervous system—from defensive reactivity to grounded awareness.

1. Length: Reclaiming Dignity and Orientation
Length refers to the vertical alignment of the body.
Imagine your spine gently lengthening upward while your feet feel connected to the ground.

This is not about rigid posture. Instead, it’s about allowing gravity to support the body so that the head, shoulders, and hips stack naturally.

From a trauma-informed perspective, reclaiming length can help the body move out of collapse patterns often associated with dorsal vagal shutdown.

Many people report feeling:

• more alert
• more confident
• more present

In somatic traditions, length is often associated with the quality of dignity.

2. Width: Restoring Balance and Connection
Width invites awareness across the horizontal plane of the body.
You might gently notice:

• the space across your shoulders
• both feet making contact with the ground
• the weight of your body distributed evenly

Stress often causes us to narrow our attention and collapse inward.
Expanding into width can help restore a sense of spaciousness and relational awareness, which supports the ventral vagal state associated with social engagement and connection.
For therapists and coaches, practicing width can also support relational presence when working with clients.

3. Depth: Feeling the Support of the Back Body
Depth brings awareness to the front and back of the body.
Many people live primarily in the front of the body—leaning forward into effort, urgency, or vigilance.

When we include the back body in our awareness, something important happens.
We begin to feel supported.

Noticing the back of the body may include sensing:

• the back of the head
• the shoulder blades
• the spine
• the back of the legs

For trauma survivors, this awareness can help restore a sense of internal support and grounding.
In nervous system terms, depth can help counteract the hyper-vigilance of sympathetic activation.

4. Center: Returning to the Body’s Organizing Core
The final point of centering is the center of gravity in the lower belly.
In many somatic traditions and martial arts, this area is known as the hara or dantian—the physical and energetic center of the body.
Bringing attention to this center helps organize movement, breath, and awareness.
For the nervous system, this often supports:

• slower breathing
• greater stability
• reduced anxiety
• clearer decision making

Instead of operating from the head alone, action begins to arise from a deeper embodied center.

A Trauma-Informed Way to Practice Four-Point Centering
One of the key principles of trauma-informed practice is choice and pacing.
You can explore this practice gently and stop at any time if something feels uncomfortable.

Step 1: Length
Stand or sit comfortably.
Allow your spine to gently lengthen.

Step 2: Width
Notice the space across your shoulders and the contact of your feet with the ground.

Step 3: Depth
Bring awareness to the back of your body.
Feel the support behind you.

Step 4: Center
Place your attention on your lower belly.
Allow your breath to deepen naturally.
Take a few slow breaths.

When Therapists and Coaches Might Use This Practice
Four-Point Centering can be integrated into many settings, including:
In therapy sessions

• helping clients regulate after discussing difficult material
• supporting grounding during trauma work
• cultivating body awareness

In coaching or leadership work

• preparing for difficult conversations
• grounding before presentations or facilitation
• cultivating embodied leadership

In daily life

• before important meetings
• during moments of anxiety or overwhelm
• when reconnecting with the body after long hours on screens

Why This Practice Is So Powerful?
In somatic work, we often say:
We don’t just think our way into change—we practice our way into change.

Our nervous systems learn through repetition.

Every time we practice grounding, breathing, and centering, we are strengthening neural pathways associated with safety, regulation, and presence.

Over time, these practices can reshape our baseline responses to stress.

Final Reflection: Coming Home to the Body
The Four-Point Centering Practice reminds us that regulation is not something we force—it is something we support through awareness, structure, and breath.
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For therapists, coaches, and clients alike, this practice offers a simple pathway back to the body.
And when we return to the body, we often rediscover something essential:
our capacity for presence, resilience, and connection.

Join Dr. Nathalie Edmond in her online community Antiracism Revolution or schedule a consultation or training today.  Looking for therapy or counseling in New Jersey check out Mindful and Multicultural Counseling

Key Takeaways:

• Fear is Natural, Strategic Fear is Dangerous: Fear is a biological response, but when strategically amplified by systems, it leads to disengagement.
• Armor Protects and Costs: Our protective mechanisms (armor) are learned responses to danger but come at a cost, limiting our capacity for connection and authentic living.
• Justice is Found in Truth: True peace is rooted in justice, which requires confronting and speaking truth, not avoiding conflict.
• Bravery is Sustained Action: Bravery is not recklessness, but the capacity to stay present, connected, and human in the face of fear, often through quiet, relational acts.
• Embodiment is Key: Connecting with our bodies, acknowledging our fears, and finding steadiness allows us to move from a place of presence rather than reactivity.
• Liberation is Remembering: True liberation is not about becoming someone new, but about remembering our inherent essence before societal conditioning and armor took hold.
• Hope is a Practice: Cultivating hope involves daily practice, choosing connection over isolation, and recognizing our inherent worth and belonging.

Upcoming trainings grounded in antiracism, embodiment and liberation here.

"2025 Books that left an impression" written by Nathalie Edmond, PsyD.

​Books were a resource for me in 2025. I read 119 books!  I hope to never read over 100 books in a year again.  it lost some joy and curiosity at some point.  It became a chore.  I had to give myself permission to not finish books.  To slow down.  I tend to do things with intensity and needed to remind myself to be gentle and let go of the hustle and grind.

Storygraph created this cool pic. 89% of my books were nonfiction.  I will highlight some of my favorites.  I forgot that I read some of these especially the ones from the beginning of 2025.

• I read many books on antisemitism, from more zionist to more antizionist perspectives.  I was searching for nuance and how to incorporate discussions on antisemitism and anti-Palestinian racism into my workshops and life.  My favorites were "Safety through solidarity" and "On anti-semitism" by Jewish Voices for Peace.
• books on ableism and neurodivergence. Love the word neuroqueer
• read books to build my antifragility (half the books I read this past year)
• "Social justice for the sensitive soul"
• "Copaganda"- why police abolition is important
• books about Black Panther which inspired me to brave. So timely to have read Assata Shakur's memoir a few months before her death
• read "hospicing modernity" once or twice. Still my favorite non-fiction book in adulthood.  Helping me on my journey of decolonizing
• The importance of free speech even when you don't agree with the content "Hate: why we should resist it with free speech, not censorship"
• Books on Palestine: "One day, the world will always have been against this" and "Perfect Victims"
• Fighting facism and authoritarianism "On Tyranny"
• Black romance ~ Kennedy Ryan series
• Finding ways to build solidarity with people you don't agree with on every issue- "Calling In"
• "Why we are so polarized"~ put things into context about the democrat/republican divide and why democrat side can be so divided
• The surprise book was "Let them theory" which reinforced not caring so much about what others think about you
• I enjoyed Esther Perel as I contemplated my marriage in its different phases and what I want for myself going forward
• Books about indigenous people to regions whether that is Turtle Island, historic Palestine, Haiti, Africa
• I really enjoyed Malcolm Gladwell this year
• shortest book: "how to resist amazon and why".  the surveillance connected to amazon is intense.
• books to help me rest more, reflect more, break up with hustle and grind culture and capitalism
• "Climate change is racist" was great basic book
• "Antiracism as a daily practice" great book for someone trying to incorporate antiracism in daily life
• "Conflict is not abuse" really helped me process some of the aftermath of ISITDBT conference backlash
• "Having it all" was a great book about the "squeeze" that so many women experience when they are partnered and have kids and how to improve their quality of life either with their partner or by uncoupling. I felt so seen. 
• Everyone should read "Unmasking autism" so you can work on being less ableist and more accepting
• "Israel on the brink" was a great way to end the year with some hope and ideas of how to move forward in a way that liberates which requires us to let go of strategies typically used in the Global North

All 119 books and the many webinars and podcasts I consumed have shaped me in one way or another. Helped birth 2 loops of liberation. They shape how I do therapy, how I lead, how I parent, how I show up in the world, and content of my workshops.  

If you have some books for me to check out let me know.  You can reach me here.

The books I read helped me wrestle with the continuum of zionism to antizionsim.

Balancing compassion and accountability in antiracism conversations requires navigating the tension between understanding where others are in their journey and holding them accountable for the harm they may cause or perpetuate. I have been focusing on these themes from my book "Mindful Race Talk".
1. Understand the Context of Both Compassion and Accountability

• Compassion: Recognize that racism is learned behavior influenced by societal structures, personal history, and trauma. People may not have had opportunities to unlearn harmful patterns or engage in deep self-reflection​​.
• Accountability: Emphasize that understanding the harm caused by racism is essential for growth. Holding others accountable is not about punishment but about fostering awareness and responsibility​​.

2. Practice Self-Reflection

• Before engaging in conversations, ask yourself whether you lean more toward compassion or accountability and strive to integrate both. For instance, if you are naturally empathetic, challenge yourself to also address difficult truths. Conversely, if you emphasize direct accountability, explore how to infuse empathy and understanding into your approach​​​.

3. Create Safe, Brave Spaces

• Foster environments where participants feel intellectually and emotionally safe to express themselves without fear of judgment. This involves encouraging vulnerability, leaning into conflict when it arises, and promoting humility and curiosity​​​.

4. Focus on Calling In Rather Than Calling Out

• Shift from shaming or blaming to "calling in," a practice that invites individuals into a conversation about their impact while maintaining their dignity. This approach allows for accountability while reducing defensiveness and increasing the potential for meaningful dialogue​.

5. Engage with Embodiment and Mindfulness

• Encourage participants to notice how their bodies react during difficult conversations, such as feeling tension, fear, or anger. Using somatic techniques like deep breathing or grounding exercises can help regulate emotions and maintain openness​​​.

6. Embrace Nuance and Complexity

• Reject binary thinking (e.g., good vs. bad, ally vs. oppressor). Instead, hold space for multiple truths, acknowledging that people can have good intentions and still cause harm, or that systemic racism requires both personal and collective accountability​​.

7. Acknowledge Generational and Systemic Trauma

• Recognize that trauma, both individual and collective, informs how people approach conversations about race. Addressing historical and intergenerational trauma with sensitivity can pave the way for healing and transformation​​.

8. Model Imperfection and Growth

• Demonstrate your own willingness to learn and grow. Share your mistakes and how you’ve worked through them to show that accountability is an ongoing, non-linear process​​.

9. Balance Grace with Boundaries

• Extend grace by assuming that most people are doing the best they can with the knowledge they have. However, set boundaries to prevent harm and protect yourself and others in the space. For example, while listening with compassion, be clear about the importance of addressing microaggressions or other harmful behaviors​​.

10. Promote Collective Liberation

• Anchor the conversation in the broader vision of collective liberation, emphasizing that individual transformation contributes to dismantling oppressive systems. This reframing can inspire commitment to both self-work and systemic change​​​.

Balancing compassion and accountability is an ongoing practice that requires self-awareness, patience, and a willingness to adapt. By integrating these principles, we can create spaces for transformative conversations that foster both personal growth and systemic change.

I feel clear that I don't need to be friends with everyone and not everyone needs to like me and yet I wish everyone well and am rooting for our collective liberation.  We may not all have the same path to get to liberation.

Learn more about Mindful Race Talk book.

​What an emotional week.  Sifting through posts about Indigenous Peoples day vs Columbus day.  Digesting and metabolizing the horrific violence and terrorizing that is happening in the Israel-Palestine war creating more intergenerational trauma.  

I saw this graphic above from the Antiracist Institute that I appreciated as mindful/meditative inquiry.

I have been reflecting this week about my tendency to avoid talking about things that could be perceived as antisemitic.  Some of that has to do with polarizing exchanges I have had with people during antiracism workshops or consultations, some of that has to do with ignorance, and some of that has to do with the comfort that comes with silence.  So I posted inside my membership community because that is my "safe space" and silence is really loud and I remember the silence around Black Lives Matter. 

Here is my little prayer because my spirituality and my anti-oppression roots for everyone to be liberated and I have capacity to hold compassion for individuals while condemning atrocities and asking people to be accountable.  That is really hard to do when in emotion mind and your people are being hunted and targeted.

I hope that Jewish people feel validated in their pain and trauma and have the supports they need to see them through this devastating time. I hope that they can feel safe again soon.  I wish for an immediate end to all forms of anti-semitism. 

I hope that Indigenous people are humanized and have an opportunity for their own sovereignty and have their land returned to them and/or reparations paid.  I wish this for Palestinian people as well.

I hope that Palestinian people feel validated in their pain and trauma and have the supports they need to see them through this devastating time.  I hope that they feel safe again soon. I hope that people can separate the acts of a terrorist group like Hamas from the larger Palestinian population.

I grieve for all the lives and souls lost.  I hope that everyone gets their needs met in a way that doesn't require the oppression or subjugation of other people.

May the people of Ukraine and other countries that are experiencing war and oppression that may not be visible in the news be supported.

I hope that the words antiracism, antisemitism, racism, dialectics are not weaponized as the weaponization of these words keeps us from having deeper conversations and building bridges towards collective liberation.

I hope for accountability and reparations for all forms of violence that have happened currently and in our collective history.  I hope that we continue to decolonize.

I hope that we all keep trying to learn more, do more, and support each other in activism and healing.

As Norma Johnson says "silence is not quiet y'all".  

May we all embody antiracism and anti-oppression in our daily lives and be honest with ourselves when we are not able or willing to do that.

Learn more about upcoming trainings with Dr. Edmond.

​Dr. Colleen and I recorded a new podcast episode called "lean into the hard".  I wish we had talked about the above but we weren't there in our journey yet at the beginning of the week.  Podcast is available wherever you listen to podcasts and on youtube. 

Updated on 10/23/23 with new episode (13) of the podcast which addresses the topic.

Want to build the capacity to have conversations across difference?   Join Antiracism Revolution.  Learn more here.

Learn more about ways to keep learning in community here. Explore yourself as a racial being with dedicated and aspiring antiracists in Antiracism Revolution membership community.

Dr. Nathalie Edmond's resources and social media:
​https://linktr.ee/drnatedmond

What if we all bought into the idea that we are biased? Our different identities and the life experiences we have had create our unique signature of bias.  When I reflect on the power and privilege wheel above I count that I have 7-8 privileged identities even though I live in a black female body.  This lens or filter impacts how people view me and how I view the world.

​Our brain sometimes likes to create efficiencies where it accumulates information that we can access when we need it.  I have begun to think of my brain as a filing cabinet of information about different things.  The goal in anti-oppression work is not to get rid of the filing cabinets of information so that we all become color blind and are no longer able to celebrate differences. The filing cabinets of information can help us be more culturally sensitive and we also risk reducing people to stereotypes if we our filing cabinets have limited information in them. What if we expanded what was in our filing cabinets of information.  For Black history month this year I was sharing a Black Joy Manifesto video in my workshops. I wanted to celebrate not only stories of Black trauma, pain, oppression and stories of resilience but many different images of various kinds of Black people experiencing joy.  Too many of us don’t get exposed to enough images of that.

When I think about White people I know that my filing cabinets of information is varied. Books, movies, news, education classes provide me a wide variety of representation so that my filing my cabinet is not stereotypical.  Can you say the same about various different BIPOC (Black, Indigenous or People of Color) groups?  What’s in your filing cabinet of information about groups that tend to be marginalized? If we don’t expand what is in our filing cabinet we can’t help but walk around with stereotypes which leads to implicit bias which leads to microaggressions. All of this does harm on a daily basis.  This is the more subtle form of racism.

Sometimes we can expand our filing cabinets of information by developing meaningful relationships with people who are different from us but sometimes that is not possible so we can seek out information that centers their voices and stories.  Once we expand our filing cabinets of information about various groups of people we can start doing a power analysis.

​I appreciate the way that Sonia Renee Taylor (see video below) and Resmaa Menakem talk about white body supremacy.  It’s the idea that the white body sits on the top of the hierarchy and the black body sits on the bottom of the hierarchy.  We can see the parallels to a caste system where people at the top of the hierarchy have greater institutional power and hence privilege.  The closer you are in proximity to white bodies the higher you rise on the ladder though there is likely a ceiling, only so far you can go on the hierarchy if you do not live in a white body.  There are other oppressed identities you can hold such as being in a female body or gender nonconforming body that can bring you lower in the hierarchy even if you are in a white body.  Other oppressed identities that can intersect with whiteness to bring you lower on the body: queerness, non Christian identity, disability, neurotypical brains, bigger bodies, not being a U.S. citizen or being a native English speaker.  

When doing anti-oppression work and trying to be an ally, trying to be culturally humble or have more effective conversations with people about topics such as race we have to do a power analysis.  Power analysis involves looking at where you fall on the body hierarchy.  This graph below of power and privilege shows some identities that tend to be dominant in terms of institutional power and those that tend to be marginalized or oppressed.  The identities at the center have the most institutional power and hence are higher on the ladder.
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Try it out for yourself. Create a ladder. If you are white presenting put yourself at the top of the ladder.  If you have other identities that tend to be oppressed lower yourself on the ladder.  Now imagine you are talking to someone about race and racism, where do they fall on the ladder.  The person who has an area of domination related to race works to decenter themselves when talking about race and listen to those lower on the ladder because they likely experience a higher degree of oppression.  If both individuals are part of a marginalized racial group the person with the lighter skin tone is higher on the ladder because of proximity to white body supremacy.  Some of us have marginalized identities that are not visible unless we disclose them, that puts us higher on the ladder.  Some of us have multiple marginalized identities so we are lower on the ladder.  If we think about intersectionality of identities, coined by Kimberle Crenshaw, the individuals at the bottom of the ladder are those in black bodies, queer, trans or gender nonconforming, poor, disabled, and fat.  We want to center the voices of the most marginalized. If the people at the bottom of the ladder feel like their lives matter, institutionally in terms of policies and access as well as personally, than all lives truly matter and the ladder collapses.

Check out this tasks about the tasks of the privileged and the tasks of the subjugated as described by Dr. Kenneth Hardy.  
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Want to learn more about being anti-racist check out resources here.  Reach out to Dr. Nathalie Edmond for additional trainings or email her.

What I saw this year (2020) was an awakening in many white people who felt some sadness, anger, guilt and/or shame around racial injustice towards black people.  I saw them posting support for black lives matter and calling out friends and family who they felt were not understanding the pain of black people not just year but over the course of generations.  I also saw many white people who were good intentioned but didn’t know what to do to help with the movement.  They were afraid to center themselves or reach out to their black friends and potentially burden them.  I also saw white people who too on the role of white saviors rather than centering the experiences of BIPOC (black, indigenous, and people of color) individuals, platforms and organizations.  I also saw a lot of shaming and aggression directed towards Trump supporters without looking at one’s own complicitness in white supremacy and white silence and the ways in which one has benefited from white privilege.  I saw very little vulnerability and a lot of intensity. Intensity without intimacy isn’t going to heal the collective. We can’t cast away a new group of people as we have done for so many hundreds of years (i.e. colonialism and capitalism).

I have had the privilege to take many a workshop from Dr. Kenneth Hardy, a black psychologist, who talks about racial trauma and how to have healthy racial dialogues.  I have run many antiracism workshops for mental health practices, yoga students and teachers in training, small businesses, nonprofits and countless community based programs. The reality is that you can be a good white person who loves black people without challenging the systems of oppression and racist forces.

These are some of my takeaways for budding white allies/accomplices.

• Step 1- Recognize that you are white.  Do your own inner work of what does that mean to you. What is your family’s immigration story. Where is there pride and shame in your family history related to whiteness? When did you first notice you were white?  What do you like about being white? How have you benefited from white privilege?  If you are white passing but have other marginalized identities how do you feel about the intersectionality of identities?  See yourself as part of a racial group and start to examine what is white culture.  Talk to other white people about this stuff. Name whiteness in your life and conversations.  How often is whiteness understood as the default so that it is not even named? How many spaces cater to white people’s comfort and affirmation? Be curious about how BIPOC individuals have learned to leave parts of themselves outside of predominantly white spaces as part of assimilation to white culture.
• Step 2 – Learn about United States history, colonialism and specifically history around anti-blackness.  Learn about history of racism, segregation, and redlining in your state and town. Think about it.  Christopher Columbus arrived in 1492 to a land inhabited by indigenous people.  European colonists acted savagely against the indigenous people, killing millions of them and stealing their land over hundreds of years for personal gain.  First slave ships arrived in 1619 and for 246 years we had chattel slavery of Black people.  In 1865 we began about a hundred years of Jim Crow laws, denial of equal access to education, voting, employment, and lynching/intimidation.  We have had less than 60 years of post-civil rights laws.  That is not a lot of time to unlearn 400 plus years of racism and white supremacy.  Don’t rely on BIPOC individuals to educate you.
• Step 3 – Listen to the voices of BIPOC individuals.  Listen to their pain as well as their joy. Listen to how they want to be named and how they identify.  African American, Black, POC, African, Afro-Caribbean, Afro-Latina, etc. If you don't know, ask.  Celebrate and support their excellence and resilience.  Read their books and blogs; watch their documentaries and movies; listen to their podcasts.  Show up at their protests and rallies.  Support their businesses.  Support their initiatives. Use your voice to center their contributions and their requests even when they are not in the room.  Do it without centering yourself. Do it in a humble way.  Do it even if you don’t get credit for it. Do it even if you are not applauded for your efforts. Do it in a way that doesn't burden BIPOC people. Do it even if you do not agree with the language they are using or the means in which they are trying to get their voices and pain heard.  Know that your actions will make a difference. Know that most anti-racism work is this stuff that happens in the background.
• Step 4- Ask yourself regularly; “what am I doing to dismantle racist policies and ideas and dismantle or disrupt white supremacy?”, “what am I doing that is complicit with white supremacy and systems of oppression?”. “whose stories are being centered?” “whose stories are invisible?” "how am I taking on more of the responsibility as a white person to eliminate racism?"
• Step 5-  Examine your relationship to conflict.  How comfortable are you with conflict? What was conflict and intense conversations like in your family of origin? What were rules around conflict? What were consequences of sharing a difference in opinion? What were the gender role expressions? Who had power and privilege? How have those early experiences left an impression on you and influence your present day relationship to conflict?  What does your body remember? When you are being invited into a race based conversation that feels charged with emotion ask yourself are you being held accountable or being personally attacked?  Can you notice the difference.
• Step 6- Increase your capacity for intensity. Everyone should feel safe which is different than feeling comfortable.  Increase your ability to tolerate grief, sadness, and rage from BIPOC individuals.  Recognize that it is not usually personal and is more reflective of the harm that has been done by white people as a racial group over generations. Recognize your responsibility in conversations about race.  When you start to notice yourself getting defensive, pause, breathe, and invite yourself into curiosity.  Challenge this notion of white fragility. Learn about white apathy- disconnecting from emotions.
• Step 7- Increase your vulnerability and intimacy in relationships. Talk about the hard stuff. Increase your vocabulary for feelings and sensations in your body.  Intensity without intimacy causes a lot of harm and people leave the conversation not feeling heard and very little change comes from it.  When talking to other white people, talk from a vulnerable place and invite them into conversation rather than calling them out.  Reduce your social media self-righteousness.  Let’s not forget to see all of someone even if we disagree with their actions and words.
• Step 8- Work on transparency, congruency and authenticity.  Allow people to see who you are. Work through the shame and fear that gets in the way of you sharing certain parts of you.  Notice if you do what you say you are going to do; do you say what you mean; do you get hijacked which leads you to be silent. Say what you mean rather than talking in coded language.  If you mean race say race.  Challenge culture of politeness and being politically correct.  Recognize that silence is violence and is another way to be complicit with the systems of oppression.  Does your body language and tone of voice match what you are saying and trying to convey.
• Step 9- Welcome complexity. Move away from hierarchies and binary thinking which our brain loves because it simplifies the world. The world is complex.  Embrace both/and rather than for/against.  Focus on dualities and multiple truths.  All lives matter and we are centering black lives right now because until all black lives matter we have more work to do. 
• Step 10- Think of being a white ally on a continuum that is a lifelong process.  Take your time. Be intentional. Resist the urge for fixing or being a savior. Focus on your circle of influence. Surround yourself by people who can hold you accountable to continuing this work and inner work. I appreciate thinking about people moving through four stages. We tend to move back and forth in the stages.  You can replace racial with any other number of identities that tend to be subjugated or marginalized such as gender, sexuality, or abilities.

1. Racial indifference/apathy
2. Racial awareness
3. Racial sensitivity
4. Racial responsibility

When you start to despair, regroup, call on your other white allies for support and continue to act and resist the forces of white supremacy.
Notice where you are now.  Be kind and compassionate towards yourself while being fierce in uncovering all that you have learned that interferes with you having racial responsibility to dismantle white supremacy and other systems of oppression. 

Want to dive deeper? Check out the anti-racism resources (therapists) or antiracism resources (non therapists), listen to a podcast. Sign up for anti-racism coaching individually with Dr. Nathalie Edmond, schedule a training for your team or community, or sign up for an upcoming anti-racism series.

Here is anti-racism assessment you can complete to check out your growing edges in becoming an ally.